You say the real issue is that he likes your comfy lifestyle and doesn't
want to have to cut back on it. But I suspect there's more to it than that
- even if he isn't stating it outright. I can imagine that he is wondering
about your "staying power", your "seriousness", and your ability to make a
commitment - at least to a career. He has already invested in a big way in
helping you pursue what you probably characterized to him as your "dream"
of becoming a nurse. He (and you) underwent the financial hardships that
putting you through nursing school entailed. Realistically, he has every
right to expect that you will "reward" him by actually being the nurse
that you were trained to be.
But life isn't that neat, and life isn't that equitable. Training or no
(and despite its cost), you have discovered that nursing is not
(necessarily) the career you want. You have realised (no doubt egged on,
in part at least, by the encroachment of your 30th birthday) that you want
to pursue a career in music. That kind of decision is not a rational one.
But I don't equate the rational with the good, in this case. This is a
decision you may have to make for the sake of your own happiness and
sanity. And on one level, I'm sure he would support you - because he loves
you and also wants you to be happy and sane.
On the other hand, your track record, if you leave nursing and go into
music, isn't encouraging. You've already trained for one
emotionally-charged career, and abandoned it. Not a lot of evidence there
that you won't do the same thing again, after investing yet more money in
a music education.
On the "plus" side, as I suggested in my other email on this subject, it's
not like nursing is a highly competitive career with shrinking prospects.
If you decide you've made the wrong choice about a music career, you can
go back to nursing - and it's likely that there will be more, not fewer,
opportunities in the field when/if you do.
On the minus side - well, you owe it to him at the very least to be VERY
sure of what you are doing if you make the switch. YOu cannot expect him
to help you out financially - so a part-time job at a minimum will be
compulsory so you can pay for your own musical education. You might look
into becoming a contract Licensed Practical Nurse - I've actually known a
few musicians who did that work as their part time job. It would have the
benefit of keeping at least some of your nursing skills "fresh" while you
also pursue your music education...just in case you decide, after a time,
that music isn't for you after all (at least not as a full-time career).
But I think it's even more important for you to thoroughly understand and
also be able to articulate clearly and persuasively TO YOURSELF *why* it's
important to you to be a full-time career musician. I think at this point
in your life, you owe it to yourself to be absolutely sure that it is
something you MUST do - something you can't live without doing. On the
emotional level, you have to decide not only if you're willing to suffer
the many disappointments that will confront you as you try to "break in"
to the industry. You must decide whether you are truly willing to risk the
absolute worst case: that you may not ever get enough musical work to make
a full-time living. And that you may, over time, put so much strain on
your relationship in the process that you may also risk losing him. If the
music is worth all that, then make the leap and don't look back. If the
music is worth a big part of that, then move more judiciously toward your
goal - give yourself the opportunity to be absolutely sure that it's what
you want (again, based on your track record, I think this would be wise):
study but also work part time. If possible, have that part time work be in
singing (or, if not, as I suggested, in nursing) - if you can actually
manage to get a good singing job in a church, etc. that pays enough to
justify your faith in your own potential, then that will go a long way, I
think, towards persuading your partner that the music isn't just a hobby
that you're taking too seriously.
Also be brutally frank with yourself: do you have the voice type that will
be able to have a late-blooming career? If you're a soubrette soprano, I
hate to say it, but starting in your early thirties (which you'll be in by
the time you complete your training if you have to work part time to pay
for it) is unrealistic: soubrettes get established in their early-mid
twenties. They start "fading" in their early forties. It's just a fact of
life. So you'd be looking at a ten-year career at most, I fear. Given the
increasing ageism and looks orientation of casting directors, etc., the
situation is only going to get worse. The fact is, unless you are the
world's most phenomenal singer - and perhaps not even then - you won't be
able to compete with the singers who made their career choices 10 years
before you did. It is an industry, and it's driven by market forces:
supply and demand.
If, however, you are a dramatic-voiced singer, the demand is a lot larger
and the supply is smaller, and the longevity of the career is greater: so
it probably isn't unrealistic to imagine you might actually "make it" even
if you start late.
Yes, there are exceptions to every rule. ANd I know I'm going to get a lot
of grief from the "follow your bliss" thinkers. But in this day and age,
frankly, I think a big part of mental/emotional self-preservation and,
ultimately happiness, comes from balancing pursuit of dreams with a
realistic recognition - based on keen self-understanding and understanding
of the world - of what dreams are actually worth pursuing. When the dream
is a career, "worth pursuing" has to be determined in large part by
"chance of success". Otherwise, if it's simply that you have a passion for
singing, why can't you pursue that passion as a "serious hobby" without
all the potential grief that doing it as a full-time career could bring?
Karen Mercedes
............................
NEIL SHICOFF, TENORE SUPREMO
http://www.radix.net/~dalila/shicoff/shicoff.html
My Own Website
http://www.radix.net/~dalila/index.html
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
+ I sing hymns with my spirit, +
+ but I also sing hymns with my mind. +
+ - 1 Corinthians 14:15 +
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
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