Warning: equally rambling reply!
>>>>too much singing everyone's part at the church choir rehearsals..<<<<
Deanna, perhaps that's the FIRST thing that has to stop! Indeed, if you only go to church to sing in the choir perhaps it's time to look for something else to do on Sundays but I'm guessing that that is not an issue here, I am going to presume that going to church for you is as essential as breathing. Giving the choir a rest until Christmas might do your voice the world of good though. I was in choirs of varying types for 25 years from the time I hit Kindergarten. In the end I began to HATE being a soprano in choirs (too good on the high notes in auditions to be allowed to sing Contralto as a mezzo dammit) as the vast majority of conductors blamed the sopranos for everything, and as there are so many sopranos here in choirs, it's the good ones who carry the lazy ones. It all became to much of a strain on the voice and definitely not worth it.
Melinda's post is a sound suggestion but I feel it really boils down to personal teaching style as to whether this is practical for you or not to put into practise. If you HAD to do it for vocal rest you would and your students would survive (if not thrive), but I rather think it depends on whether it is *you* or not. After all, it's not that you don't want to demonstrate, it's that you want your voice back yes? Maybe something of a catch22. (I remember my first, and I think best, singing teacher (oh and my 4th one come to that) were unable to demonstrate a single note, ever, and yet gave me far more than any of the others, especially the one who sang like an angel and intimidated the life out of me.
James mentioned speech therapy. Personally, that's what I would be doing for myself faced with your situation. It might not be possible or practical for you or financial right now come to that. If you were interested and there was someone in your town, I wonder if they would give you speech therapy in return for singing lessons for either them or a family member?
Also, are you sure it is just your instrument that is disappointing you, or is your expectations of what "you think it should be"? In other words are you certain you're being objective about the problem in hand when you say >>>>but that voice isn't there when I want it because of all the teaching and my own technique was never stellar.<<<< Not saying you're not, just playing Devil's advocate.
Quite frankly I admire you immensely. To keep it altogether on your own with the kids and all is quite an achievement. I truly believe you can keep doing everything you're doing (including the choir) and get your 'healthy' voice back. It may require some retraining, maybe even some semi-complete vocal rest for a bit.
Have you thought also of just starting the lessons with one of those teachers you've met and see what they come up with? Maybe training with a singing teacher will be all the "therapy" you need anyway. I have had students come to me purely for remedial purposes before and (after all the affordable medical checks just to be sure) we have sometimes achieved "great things" together. I would be very surprised if the sheer amount of use is the issue with your voice. I would be looking to what habits are creating the trauma. You may be doing something without knowing, or your subconscious might be filtering any stress you have through your vocal habits. (Let's face it, what you have described as your life circumstances right now is stressful in anyones language. I've got my daughter going through her final High School year and I'm almost more stressed than she is. I have to "work hard" at getting this out of my system before I sing a note or teach a lesson or I invariably end up with a sore throat.)
This is where I have advocated before (and always will) that practises such as Yoga or Alexander Technique or Feldenkries or Tai Chi or whatever, can be so helpful. No they don't make you a great singer, never even intimated they would. But what they are great for is discovering first of all, if your body is doing something that isn't healthy for the 'whole' and then giving you a technique to make it better. Some people just need a really good long walk every day to exercise the "stress chemicals" out of their system and clear their head while keeping fit. Whatever floats your boat.
Best of Luck Deanna. I hope one of us has been/will be of some assistance. I know you'll keep us posted. We're here for you.
Regards, Michelle
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