| | From: B J <ihateegroups@y...>
Date: Wed Sep 27, 2000 8:42 pm
Subject: Re: [vocalist-temporary] OFF: never thought I'd ask this but...
|
> If anyone has that internet joke file consisting of
> kids' funny responses to music history questions
Here goes:
> CHILDREN'S ANSWERS IN MUSIC EDUCATION.
> These are stories and test questions accumulated by
music teachers in the
> state of Missouri, circa 1989. Source: Missouri
School Music Newsletter.
>
> I can't reach the brakes on this piano!
> ____
> Just about any animal skin can be stretched over a
frame to make
> a pleasant
> sound once the animal is removed.
> ____
> It is easy to teach anyone to play the maracas.
Just grip the
> neck and shake
> him in rhythm.
> ____
> My favorite instrument is the bassoon. It is so
hard to play
> people seldom
> play it. That is why I like the bassoon best.
> ____
> I would like for you to teach me to play the cello.
Would
> tomorrow or Friday
> be best?
> ____
> Music instrument has a plural known as orchestra.
> ____
> Tubas are a bit too much.
> ____
> A contra-bassoon is like a bassoon, only more so.
> ____
> The most dangerous part about playing cymbals is
near the nose.
> ____
> The flute is a skinny-high shape-sounded instrument.
> ____
> Instrumentalist is a many-purposed word for many
player-types.
> ____
> Anyone who can read all the instrument notes at the
same time
> gets to be the
> conductor.
> ____
> The main trouble with a French horn is it's too
tangled up.
> ____
> For some reason, they always put a treble clef in
front of every line of
> flute music. You just watch.
> ____
> The concertmaster of an orchestra is always the
person who sits
> in the first
> chair of the first violins. This means that when a
person is elected
> concertmaster, he has to hurry up and learn how to
play a violin
> real good.
> ____
> Question: Is the saxophone a brass or a woodwind
instrument?
> Answer: Yes.
> ____
> Last month I found out how a clarinet works by
taking it apart. I
> both found
> out and got in trouble.
> ____
> A bassoon looks like nothing I have ever heard.
> ____
> Cymbals are round, metal CLANGS!
> ____
> Question: What are kettle drums called?
> Answer: Kettle drums.
> ____
> When electric currents go through them, guitars
start making sounds. So
> would anybody.
> ____
> The double bass is also called the bass viol, string
bass, and
> bass fiddle.
> It has so many names because it is so huge.
> ____
> While trombones have tubes, trumpets prefer to wear
valves.
> ____
> A trumpet is an instrument when it is not an
elephant sound.
> ____
> Another name for kettle drums is timpani. But I
think I will just
> stick with
> the first name and learn it good.
> ____
> Instruments come in many sizes, shapes and
orchestras.
> ____
> You should always say 'celli when you mean there are
two or more cellos.
> ____
> A tuba is much larger than its name.
> ____
> A harp is a nude piano.
> ____
> My favorite composer is Opus.
> ____
> My very best liked piece of music is the Bronze
Lullaby.
> ____
> Probably the most marvelous fugue was the one
between the
> Hatfields and the
> McCoys.
> ____
> Most authorities agree that music of antiquity was
written long ago.
> ____
> Morris dancing is a country survival from times when
people were happy.
> ____
> A good orchestra is always ready to play if the
conductor steps
> on the odium.
> ____
> Caruso was at first an Italian. Then someone heard
his voice and said he
> would go a long way. And so he came to America.
> ____
> I know what a sextet is but I had rather not say.
> ____
> Music sung by two people at the same time is called
a duel.
> ____
> In the last scene of Pagliacci, Canio stabs Nedda
who is the one
> he really
> loves. Pretty soon Silvio also gets stabbed, and
they all live
> happily ever
> after.
> ____
> An opera is a song of bigly size.
> ____
> Aaron Copland is one of your most famous
contemporary composers. It is
> unusual to be contemporary. Most composers do not
live until
> they are dead.
> ____
> Henry Purcell is a well known composer few people
have ever heard of.
> ____
> Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He
was so deaf he
> wrote loud
> music. He took long walks in the forest even when
everyone was
> calling him.
> I guess he could not hear so good. Beethoven
expired in 1827 and
> later died
> from this.
> ____
> Handel was half German, half Italian, and half
English. He was
> rather large.
> ____
> John Sebastian Bach died from 1750 to the present.
> ____
> A virtuoso is a musician with real high morals.
> ____
> Refrain means don't do it. A refrain in music is
the part you
> better not try
> to sing.
> ____
> Agnus Dei was a woman composer famous for her church
music.
> > SUPPOSEDLY ACTUAL ANSWERS FROM STUDENTS ON MUSIC
> > EXAMS
> >
> > The principal singer of nineteenth-century opera
was
> > called pre-Madonna.
> >
> > It is easy to teach anyone to play the maracas.
Just
> > grip the neck and shake him in rhythm.
> >
> > Gregorian chant has no music, just singers singing
> > the
> > same lines.
> >
> > Sherbet composed the Unfinished Symphony.
> >
> > At one time singers had to use musicians to
> > accompany
> > them. Since synthesizers came along, singers can
now
> > play themselves.
> >
> > All female parts were sung by castrati. We don't
> > know
> > exactly what they sounded like because there are
no
> > known descendants.
> >
> > Young scholars have expressed their rapture for
the
> > Bronze Lullaby, the Taco Bell Cannon, Beethoven's
> > Erotica, Tchaikovsky Cracknutter Suite, and
> > Gershwin's
> > Rap City in Blue.
> >
> > Music sung by two people at the same time is
called
> > a
> > duel; if they sing without music it is called
> > Acapulco.
> >
> > A virtuoso is a musician with real high morals.
> >
> > Contralto is a low sort of music that only ladies
> > sing.
> >
> > Diatonic is a low calorie Schweppes.
> >
> > Probably the most marvelous fugue was the one
> > between
> > the Hatfields and the McCoys.
> >
> > A harp is a nude piano.
> >
> > The main trouble with a French Horn is that it is
> > too
> > tangled up.
> >
> > An interval in music is the distance from one
piano
> > to
> > the next.
> >
> > The correct way to find the key to a piece of
music
> > is
> > to use a pitchfork.
> >
> > Agitato is a state of mind when one's finger slips
> > in
> > the middle of playing a piece.
> >
> > Refrain means don't do it. A refrain in music is
the
> > part you'd better not try to sing.
> >
> > I know what a sextet is but I'd rather not say.
> >
> > Most authorities agree that music of antiquity was
> > written long ago.
> >
> > My favorite composer was Opus. Agnus Dei was a
> > woman composer famous for her church music.
> >
> > Henry Purcell was a well-known composer few people
> > have ever heard of.
> >
> > Johann Sebastian Bach wrote a great many musical
> > compositions and had a large number of children.
In
> > between he practiced on an old spinster which he
> > kept
> > up in his attic.
> >
> > Rock Monanoff was a famous post-romantic composer
> > of piano concerti.
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