pat,
it sounds as if you are singing in your regular singing voice and then weakening it to bring it down to a 'blendable' level. that would wear you out. one option you can take is to try singing completely differently when you sing with a chorus. if you can use what would probably feel like a 'falsetto' to you at a speaking level effort, you'll find that you can use this for most of the range you need for choral singing. you may need to blend in a little 'mixed speaking' voice for the low notes. you may also find that the high notes are a little squeeky (similar to the other sopranos). using the same principles of resonance adjustment that you use in your regular singing, you could probably reduce the squeekiness. if you try this, tape it to make sure it works (or doesn't suck out loud). you may feel, if you are successful, that you are not doing enough. if it works, you don't need to do more and with so little effort, you will not wear yourself out.
the other possibility, is that, unless you've already tested this, your fear of blowing out the rest of the chorus is unfounded in two possible ways. first, it may be that the conductor wants you as the 'foundation voice' (with various techniques used to build from there) and is waiting for you to sing 'full out'. the other possibility is, you might be over-estimating your effect on the total outcome. in trying to be a cooperative chorister, you may indeed be reducing your voice more than necessary for fear of sticking out. unless the conductor has told you already to tone it down, you need to sing out and let him/her balance you down as that is his/her job not yours. a blend to a conductor does not always sound like a blend to the singer (occasionally, in a bass line by itself, i can remember thinking i was the only one singing).
mike
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