I tell this story, hoping to persuade any of you away from any unfounded
doubts you may have regarding your singing.
I just returned from the Cambridge (England) Early Music Summer
School--the one on Medieval and Renaissance Music. The course, for
singers and instrumentalists, was conducted by an English ensemble,
Sirinu. Their four members are expert in early and "world" music, great
coaches, and incredibly lovely human beings.
About four years ago I learned of the course but was sure I wouldn't
qualify for acceptance. Three years ago I was in Cambridge attending
another course and with great envy attended the Hilliards' similar course
for ensembles. Last year I applied, but too late--they had enough
sopranos. This year I got in, but seriously expected to be asked to be an
"observer" rather than "participant".
The week's activities would focus on preparing for a concert at the end of
the week. I decided to be brave and work on a solo--a trouvere
song--because I'm going to attend a troubadour workshop in Provence in
Sept. for which I'm also very nervous, need all the practice and
confidence I can get. I practiced the song in my room, unaware that Sarah
Stowe, the singing tutor, was staying down the hall from me. That
afternoon I asked her for advice on whether I might sing a solo, etc.
When we met, she said she heard me singing the trouvere song in my room
(troubadour/trouvere songs are a passion of hers as they are of mine) and
she wanted me to sing a different song--the Maria Matre from the Libre
Vermeil (spell?) (circa 1300, discovered in Montserrat). My
interpretation: I'm not good enough to sing the trouvere song.
Eventually she explained that Maria Matre would be the centerpiece of the
entire concert--the most beautiful song to be sung. I still didn't get
it--thought I had been down-graded. Then three others asked to sing Maria
Matre--no, sorry, it's Mary Jane's song--it suits her perfectly. I began
to "get it"--she really did like my voice and thought I would do the best
job. We discussed accompaniment, and agreed the small harp would be best,
possibly to be joined by a lute.
I had only four days to prepare the song for performance--usually I work
on a song for a couple of months before singing it to anyone but my
teacher. Well--I'd do what I could. Then Sarah decided I needed to sing
two songs in concert--the day before, she announced to me that I'd sing
the trouvere song I started working on but had placed aside. At least
that took my mind off Maria Matre, mostly because of the early French
which really threw me a curve!
All week long Sarah would stare at me and say, "I can't BELIEVE you've
gone through your life not knowing you had a voice!" I started studying
about six years ago, then still in my 50's--until then was petrified to
open my mouth and make a sound. As I worked on the song, other
participants asked me what else I do--"You're a musician, aren't you?"
Well, no, not exactly! Music via piano was my first language at age 3,
but eventually I pursued science as a career.
How was the performance? Well, I thought it might have been lots better.
However, perfection wasn't what it was about--we were all in the same
boat--quick turnaround on preparation of these pieces. About 100 kind
folks from the Cambridge community came to hear us, and they seemed to
like the performance. My fellow participants and the tutors said nice
things about my singing even the next day. I decided to go ahead and
listen to them, disregarding my apparent unwillingness to have it be a
total win. And, most importantly, my mindset for singing and performing
is at a totally different place from before. I can still see and hear
Sarah saying to me after the concert, using her arm as a magic wand, "GO
FORTH!"
Mary Jane Ruhl
Alexandria, VA
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