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From:  "Cynthia Donnell" <csdonnell@m...>
Date:  Sun Jul 23, 2000  3:03 am
Subject:  OFF: humor - Opera chorus


Dear List,
Thought you might enjoy a bit of light summer reading.
Cheers,
Cindy Donnell
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Should you try out for the opera chorus?

Have you ever considered auditioning to become a member of an opera
chorus? Would you like a career as a professional opera chorister? Take
the
following test to see if you have what it takes.

PART ONE

Take a moment to memorize the following lyrics, set to the tune of "Happy
Birthday To You":

Gloieurieux voeuils maentomme
Mecce squalch pugnam
Chlschr Enkpflehrtstehnaparatz
V knyazzhikh m puts blyeyts prashchtnyam

PART TWO

Answer "yes" or "no" to the following questions:

Do you feel uncomfortable riding seven hours in a Volkswagen Beetle with
more than five people?

Have you ever fainted while wearing winter clothing in a sauna?

Do you mind rebreathing the same air for an hour? For a whole day?

Does prolonged screaming ever make you feel lightheaded?

Have you ever lost your temper with someone simply because they annoyed
you constantly for eight months?

Do you feel an affinity for the stage?

Is the difference between your real age and your "professional age" more
than two years?

Has a doctor ever asked you NOT to say "Ah"?

Have you ever signed an autograph?

Is music your favorite topic of discussion?

Are you still searching for your fach?

Do you feel better in rooms with windows?

Does singing high-speed Russian while rushing backward down a ladder seem at
all funny to you?

Have you ever asked a director to explain what your motivation is?

Do you ever need to be alone?

Do you prefer music to money?

Do you like to be noticed?

Have you ever screamed when someone stepped on your foot?

Do you dislike the herd mentality?

Do you think of yourself as an individual?

Do you need to hear yourself when you sing?

Do you mind a little pain? A lot of pain?

Are you one of those singers that needs to see the conductor?

Do loud explosions at close range ever startle you?

Do you think of yourself as an artist?

Do you enjoy your home life?

Would you find it difficult to climb steps in the dark wearing a potato
sack?

Does looking directly into bright spotlights make it difficult for you to
see?

Do you tend to fall in holes a lot?

Would wearing only a body sock equipped with artificial genitalia make
you feel self-conscious?

Do you like cast parties?

Do you like to "ad lib"?

Do you feel you have a lot to offer the world of opera?

PART THREE

On a piece of paper write down from memory the lyrics to the song in Part
One. No cheating! Then proceed to the Scoring section.

SCORING

Give yourself five points for each word correctly remembered from Part
One.

Give yourself one point for each "No" answer in Part Two.

If you scored 96 - 100 points you are definite opera chorus material.
Audition immediately!

If you scored 90 - 95 points you may find life in the chorus difficult.

Anything less than 90 points, forget it. The opera chorus is definitely
not for you!




  Replies Name/Email Yahoo! ID Date Size
3319 Why is it so damned hard to find... Karen Mercedes   Tue  8/8/2000   2 KB

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