| | From: "Lisa M Olson" <lisa_molson@m...>
Date: Thu Jul 20, 2000 3:33 pm
Subject: Fwd: FW: An Opera Chorus Potential?
|
Hi all, I don't usually send on jokes, but this was TOO funny to keep to
myself.
:-)
Lisa-Marie
Should you try out for the opera chorus?
Have you ever considered auditioning to become a member of an opera
chorus? Would you like a career as a professional opera chorister?
Take the following test to see if you have what it takes.
PART ONE
Take a moment to memorize the following lyrics, set to the tune of
"Happy Birthday To You":
Gloieurieux voeuils maentomme
Mecce squalch pugnam
Chlschr Enkpflehrtstehnaparatz
V knyazzhikh m puts blyeyts prashchtnyam
PART TWO
Answer "yes" or "no" to the following questions:
Do you feel uncomfortable riding seven hours in a Volkswagen Beetle
with more than five people?
Have you ever fainted while wearing winter clothing in a sauna?
Do you mind rebreathing the same air for an hour? For a whole day?
Does prolonged screaming ever make you feel lightheaded?
Have you ever lost your temper with someone simply because they
annoyed you constantly for eight months?
Do you feel an affinity for the stage?
Is the difference between your real age and your "professional age"
more than two years?
Has a doctor ever asked you NOT to say "Ah"?
Have you ever signed an autograph?
Is music your favorite topic of discussion?
Are you still searching for your fach?
Do you feel better in rooms with windows?
Does singing high-speed Russian while rushing backward down a
ladderseem at all funny to you?
Have you ever asked a director to explain what your motivation is?
Do you ever need to be alone?
Do you prefer music to money?
Do you like to be noticed?
Have you ever screamed when someone stepped on your foot?
Do you dislike the herd mentality?
Do you think of yourself as an individual?
Do you need to hear yourself when you sing?
Do you mind a little pain? A lot of pain?
Are you one of those singers that needs to see the conductor?
Do loud explosions at close range ever startle you?
Do you think of yourself as an artist?
Do you enjoy your home life?
Would you find it difficult to climb steps in the dark wearing a
potato sack?
Does looking directly into bright spotlights make it difficult for you
to see?
Do you tend to fall in holes a lot?
Would wearing only a body sock equipped with artificial genitalia make
you feel self-conscious?
Do you like cast parties?
Do you like to "ad lib"?
Do you feel you have a lot to offer the world of opera?
PART THREE
On a piece of paper write down from memory the lyrics to the song in
Part One. No cheating! Then proceed to the Scoring section.
SCORING
Give yourself five points for each word correctly remembered from Part
One.
Give yourself one point for each "No" answer in Part Two.
If you scored 96 - 100 points you are definite opera chorus material.
Audition immediately!
If you scored 90 - 95 points you may find life in the chorus
difficult.
Anything less than 90 points, forget it. The opera chorus is
definitely not for you!
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