Warning: equally rambling reply!
>>>>too much singing everyone's part at the church choir
rehearsals..<<<<
Deanna, perhaps that's the FIRST thing that has to stop! Indeed, if
you only go to church to sing in the choir perhaps it's time to look
for something else to do on Sundays but I'm guessing that that is not
an issue here, I am going to presume that going to church for you is
as essential as breathing. Giving the choir a rest until Christmas
might do your voice the world of good though. I was in choirs of
varying types for 25 years from the time I hit Kindergarten. In the
end I began to HATE being a soprano in choirs (too good on the high
notes in auditions to be allowed to sing Contralto as a mezzo dammit)
as the vast majority of conductors blamed the sopranos for
everything, and as there are so many sopranos here in choirs, it's
the good ones who carry the lazy ones. It all became to much of a
strain on the voice and definitely not worth it.
Melinda's post is a sound suggestion but I feel it really boils down
to personal teaching style as to whether this is practical for you or
not to put into practise. If you HAD to do it for vocal rest you
would and your students would survive (if not thrive), but I rather
think it depends on whether it is *you* or not. After all, it's not
that you don't want to demonstrate, it's that you want your voice
back yes? Maybe something of a catch22. (I remember my first, and I
think best, singing teacher (oh and my 4th one come to that) were
unable to demonstrate a single note, ever, and yet gave me far more
than any of the others, especially the one who sang like an angel and
intimidated the life out of me.
James mentioned speech therapy. Personally, that's what I would be
doing for myself faced with your situation. It might not be possible
or practical for you or financial right now come to that. If you were
interested and there was someone in your town, I wonder if they would
give you speech therapy in return for singing lessons for either them
or a family member?
Also, are you sure it is just your instrument that is disappointing
you, or is your expectations of what "you think it should be"? In
other words are you certain you're being objective about the problem
in hand when you say >>>>but that voice isn't there when I want it
because of all the teaching and my own technique was never
stellar.<<<< Not saying you're not, just playing Devil's advocate.
Quite frankly I admire you immensely. To keep it altogether on your
own with the kids and all is quite an achievement. I truly believe
you can keep doing everything you're doing (including the choir) and
get your 'healthy' voice back. It may require some retraining, maybe
even some semi-complete vocal rest for a bit.
Have you thought also of just starting the lessons with one of those
teachers you've met and see what they come up with? Maybe training
with a singing teacher will be all the "therapy" you need anyway. I
have had students come to me purely for remedial purposes before and
(after all the affordable medical checks just to be sure) we have
sometimes achieved "great things" together. I would be very surprised
if the sheer amount of use is the issue with your voice. I would be
looking to what habits are creating the trauma. You may be doing
something without knowing, or your subconscious might be filtering
any stress you have through your vocal habits. (Let's face it, what
you have described as your life circumstances right now is stressful
in anyones language. I've got my daughter going through her final
High School year and I'm almost more stressed than she is. I have
to "work hard" at getting this out of my system before I sing a note
or teach a lesson or I invariably end up with a sore throat.)
This is where I have advocated before (and always will) that
practises such as Yoga or Alexander Technique or Feldenkries or Tai
Chi or whatever, can be so helpful. No they don't make you a great
singer, never even intimated they would. But what they are great for
is discovering first of all, if your body is doing something that
isn't healthy for the 'whole' and then giving you a technique to make
it better. Some people just need a really good long walk every day to
exercise the "stress chemicals" out of their system and clear their
head while keeping fit. Whatever floats your boat.
Best of Luck Deanna. I hope one of us has been/will be of some
assistance. I know you'll keep us posted. We're here for you.
Regards,
Michelle
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