First I want to thank Karen and mike very much for their informative
and helpful responses. I very much appreciate all you've shared
with me.
I am exactly at that place where "you know that your old inadequate
technique isn't good enough, but the new "don't need to think about
it" technique hasn't been firmly established yet."
I came away from the audition (I was going for Mercedes,
essentially) feeling pretty low and painful, and very aware that I
had let the auditors down in some way. But, I've climbed out of that
hole and struggled to glean what I could from the experience, and
here's what I learned:
The overarching thing I learned is that I have to feel and BE more
in control any time I am in a performance (and an audition is a
performance).
Ways I Did This:
When the accompanist horribly mangled my pieces, I did not let her
faze me, and I simply continued to sing the piece as I knew it.
Previously, I would have gotten nervous and freaked out and tried
really hard to stay with her even if she was completely wrong.
Major accomplishment here!
I didn't wait for the auditors to ask me what I was going to sing,
or give me some sign that it was okay for my to say what I was going
to sing. I just announced it without being asked. Previously, I
would have shyly waited for them to take the lead.
Ways I Could Have Done This, But Didn't:
The accompanist started both pieces without signal from me, and I
rushed my preparation before the arias in order to start with her.
What I should have done is politely ask her to hold off until I gave
a signal. This way, I would be physically fully prepared to sing my
piece and in character.
The auditioners were extremely friendly and personable, and I let
them set the tone of my performance - relaxed and friendly. What I
should have done is be polite and friendly with them, but remember
my premise that I am singing for people who have paid money and
therefore expect a SHOW - not the relaxed family entertainment
hour. At all times, I should be the person who sets the tone of my
performance.
From the first note I listened to myself singing. This is a sure
way to disaster. I can't control how it sounds after I've sung the
note. The only thing I can control is what I do before it comes
out. If I'm busy listening to the sounds coming out, I have turned
my focus from what can be controlled to what cannot. Consequently,
the sound coming out will be worse and worse, since I have given up
my control of what would make it sound good in the first place.
It's a deadly cycle.
The company had asked us to have two pieces prepared. My teacher
asked me repeatedly what I was going to say if they asked me for the
Habanera, since, as Karen mentioned, it's quite hard and I don't
really have it down yet. So, I was prepared to tell them I had just
started learning it and to do what I could with it if they asked,
and I worked hard on how to perform it and how to do the best I
could with it at the moment. I also had in the back of my mind that
if they wanted to hear me for some other role (this was a season
audition) then I could do my good old standard Voi Che Sapete. In
all honesty I didn't expect them to even ask for a second piece - no
one ever has before. Well, what did they do? They asked me for a
second piece. They didn't ask for the Habanera, which was all I had
been prepared for them to ask for. So, I told them the Habanera
wasn't really in my voice yet but I do have Voi Che Sapete. And
that is the time when I realized that I hadn't even sung through
this piece lately, let alone get into character or review it at
all. And on top of that, the pianist started without my being
ready, and I didn't have the presence of mind to ask her to stop, so
I just went on with it, unprepared and it sounded that way. I got
back up to speed by the second half of it, but by then. . .it didn't
really matter anymore.
LESSONS LEARNED - When I have control of what I do, and I am
prepared for what may happen, and I set the tone for what I do, and
I am focused on what I know works instead of judging how it sounds
to other people after the fact, a lot of problems will be fixed. I
will not sound so nervous and unsteady, because I won't be there
evaluating what I sound like and finding it lacking yet sabotaging
the only way that I could make it sound better, thereby just making
it sound worse. What a nasty cycle! How can anyone do a good job
under those conditions?
Also, as usual, I just need to continue working and working harder
on my technique so that I get to the point where almost any bizarre
thing could occur and I would still be able to sing well.
Luckily, this was a very very small podunk F-level house, so I
didn't make any permanent impressions on people who would hold a bad
first impression forever against me.
Well, thanks for reading - feel free to comment on or criticize
anything I've said here if you're interested. Thanks!
Karena
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