A couple of days ago, someone posted a link to hear a young 16-year old
singing Victor Herbert's "Art is Calling for Me". I thought about listening to
it, but I found that I just couldn't - It was too painful.
When I was 16, I sang that piece, as well as "Mein Herr Marquis" from
Fledermaus. I was told that I was a prodigy. I was told I was fabulous. I
was told I could do anything - that I was the best. I got accolades from
everyone. I went to Eastman School of Music at the age of 17, the only singer
to be accepted from a regional audition that year. I was on top of the world.
HOWEVER, I discovered that the competition, and my own lack of self-worth
really destroyed my ability to sing well. When I was getting my Master's
Degree, someone even suggested maybe I had "peaked" at 17 (so that at that
time, the age of 22, I was already over the hill). Now, at the age of 30, I am
finally realizing what I have to offer. I'm singing well, and thinking I'm
actually a late bloomer because my voice is adding so much more drama and depth
than I ever thought.
It is though extremely painful for me to be reminded of the successful time in
my life. I feel as though I wasted too much time, that I failed, that I let
down the people who believed in me. And I get SO JEALOUS of young singers, I
can just taste the bile in my mouth about it. I hate this. I don't want to
feel this way and I am never quite sure what to do with these feelings.
Does anyone else have these feelings? Or am I just a miserable, selfish person?
Lisa-Marie
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