Hi, friends. I haven't posted in a while but am really glad to see this
topic and all the comments about family life and music.
Ironically, I posted the following to a writer's list on the same topic.
Hope you don't mind my sharing it. As with any writer, there is some degree
of truth to even the most fictitious tale. But hopefully, this expresses
what we're pretty much saying, and will be food for thought for those still
asking: "Should I study what I love, or something that will offer security?"
Nancy
(Untitled)
<<They had been acquaintances for several years. Tonight as just the two of
them rode down the highway they learned a little more about one another.
His job had taken him to foreign countries; she had spent the last 20 years
in one town. Her only travels had been to another state when the
opportunity had risen. Sometimes those opportunities were not joyous ones.
He spoke lovingly of his wife and daughters. In turn, she told him about
her husband and children and then ventured into talking about her dreams.
He, as usual, spoke with a positive attitude about the choices people make
and assured her she was probably happier the way things had turned out.
“You probably saved yourself a lot of grief,” he had said.
She became silent then, not sure how to answer. Everyone had told her
basically the same thing her entire life. At first they had told her she
wouldn’t be happy and now they told her that she wouldn’t have been happy.
"Of course you save yourself a lot of grief," she thought to herself, "but
it’s a trade off. For all the joy I’ve had I’ve given up a different kind
of joy. And to say I’ve saved myself a lot of grief is to imply that I
haven't had any. Well, just as you trade one set of happiness for another,
you also trade one set of grief for another.
"So what if I haven’t had to deal with heart-wrenching competitions and
auditions," she thought in reference to her dreams of singing on stage.
"Would it really have been any worse than holding your newborn child and
watching it struggle for every breath it took? Struggling until it ran out
of struggle and quit breathing altogether?
"Would the hard work and traveling necessary to become successful--and yes,
financially better off than I am now--be any worse than worrying about how
to pay the bills every month, hoping that the car will make it through one
more winter and at the same time being told your son needs an operation? And
then, the indignity of the insurance company to tell you they will only pay
for part of the procedure?
"Sure, I’ve had happiness in my life. But I’m not happy.">>
A footnote here is that I have been taking classes towards my degree and
what a difference doing something you love makes. It takes the edge off the
unhappiness, makes the difficult more tolerable, and recharges you when you
are completely drained.
My advice: If you want to study music you should. Any degree is better than
no degree. If you have a music degree (or basketweaving, fabric design,
etc.) and you want something more secure, you can build on what you already
have, versus not having anything to build on because you didn't get any
degree. I didn't go to college for many years because I couldn't decide what
to "do" with my life, even though I knew at age ten that I wanted to study
music.
Another thought, there will be classes to take that have nothing to do with
music. For instance, I'm required to take a history or psychology class. I
chose the psychology and love it. The point is, if your son/daughter wants
to study music allow it - he/she may find something along the way (by means
of some of those required "other" classes or electives) that may spark
enough interest to change to a more (financially or otherwise) "rewarding"
career.
Oh, dear, now if I could just sell my philosophies! ;-)
Nancy
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