matthew,
i second wim's suggestion on becoming your own teacher. i would take it
one step further and suggest that you become your own teacher, literally.
there is plenty of information on how the voice works (it may not be complete
but, it is certainly enough to keep you from doing anything really stupid)
and, with the aid of a tape recorder, you can become quite good at analyzing
what you are hearing and coming up with ideas on what could be better about
it and how to go about making it so.
i wonder if you tape yourself on a regular basis. as your standards may
have grown quicker than your abilities, it would be easy to perceive that you
have gotten worse when, actually, you may be a lot better. or, you may have
gotten better at some things and, having made unnecessary efforts to do so,
have sacrificed other qualities.
quite often, things that don't make sense, really don't make sense
however, most people who are wrong are not wrong, maliciously. they are
wrong with good intent. just because something makes sense to you, doesn't
make it right (as i look out the window, i can see how some people might
think the earth is flat). so, it is necessary to find out if something that
feels really crazy actually works or not. this feels like doing something
wrong. improvement usually requires us to do something different. the
greater the improvement, the more different it seems. it is very rarely
about doing the same old thing with more effort. after all,
wrong+effort=wronger.
lastly, it is far easier to make what you have a lot better than it is to
achieve an ideal. achieving an ideal requires the gift to make that ideal
possible (michael jordan's first love was baseball. good thing he had the
sense to give basketball a shot). you have to look at what you have and
come up with the best thing to do with it.
best of luck,
mike
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