> WORLD NEWS:
>
> BUSH DEPLOYS VOWELS TO BOSNIA: Cities of Sjlbvdnzv, Grzny
> to Be First Recipients
>
> Before an emergency joint session of Congress yesterday,
> President Bush announced U.S. plans to deploy over 75,000
> vowels to the war-torn region of Bosnia. The deployment,
> the largest of its kind in American history, will provide
> the region with the critically needed letters A,E,I,O and
> U, and is hoped to render countless Bosnian names more
> pronounceable.
>
> "For six years, we have stood by while names like Ygrjvslhv
> and Tzlynhr and Glrm have been horribly butchered by
> millions around the world," Bush said. "Today, the United
> States must finally stand up and say 'Enough.' It is time
> the people of Bosnia finally had some vowels in their
> incomprehensible words. The U.S. is proud to lead the
> crusade in this noble endeavour."
>
> The deployment, dubbed Operation Vowel Storm by the State
> Department, is set for early next week, with the Adriatic
> port cities of Sjlbvdnzv and Grzny slated to be the first
> recipients. Two C-130 transport planes, each carrying over
> 500 24-count boxes of "E's," will fly from Andrews Air
> Force Base across the Atlantic and airdrop the letters over
> the cities.
>
> Citizens of Grzny and Sjlbvdnzv eagerly await the arrival
> of the vowels. "My goodness, I do not think we can last
> another day," Trszg Grzdnjkln, 44, said. "I have six
> children and none of them has a name that is understandable
> to me or to anyone else. Mr. Bush, please send my poor,
> wretched family just one 'E.' Please." Said Sjlbvdnzv
> resident Grg Hmphrs, 67: "With just a few key letters, I
> could be George Humphries. This is my dream."
>
> If the initial airlift is successful, Bush said the United
> States will go ahead with full-scale vowel deployment, with
> C-130's airdropping thousands more letters over every area
> of Bosnia. Other nations are expected to pitch in as well,
> including 10,000 British "A's" and 6,500 Canadian
> "U's."Japan, rich in A's and O's, was asked to participate,
> but declined.
>
> "With these valuable letters, the people of war-ravaged
> Bosnia will be able to make some terrific new words," Bush
> said. "It should be very exciting for them, and much
> easier for us to read their maps."
> Linguists praise the U.S.'s decision to send the vowels.
> For decades they have struggled with the hard consonants
> and difficult pronunciation of most Slavic words. "Vowels
> are crucial to construction of all language," Baylor
> University linguist Noam Frankel said. "Without them, it
> would be difficult to utter a single word, much less
> organize a coherent sentence. Please, just don't get me
> started on the moon-man languages they use in those Eastern
> European countries."
>
> According to Frankel, once the Bosnians have vowels, they
> will be able to construct such valuable sentences as: "The
> potatoes are ready"; "I believe it will rain"; and "Please,
> where is the washroom?"
>
> The airdrop represents the largest deployment of any letter
> to a foreign country since 1984. During the summer of that
> year, the U.S. shipped 92,000 consonants to Ethiopia,
> providing cities like Ouaouoaua, Eaoiiuae, and Aao with
> vital, life-giving supplies of L's, S's and T's. The
> consonant-relief effort failed, however, when vast
> quantities of the letters were intercepted and hoarded by
> violent, gun-toting warlords.
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