| Subject: Re: before I give it all up....(long) From: "jjh" To: Vocalist Send reply to: VOCALIST <vocalist>
On Sat, 11 Dec 1999, Molly McLinden wrote:
> I have forgotten what it is like to perform and really enjoy it. I have no > idea what to do. I think my next step is a switch of a major (to something > where I can make money, like computer science). It is going to be hard to say >goodbye to singing for good, but it looks like I have no choice.
Molly:
Oh, dear, oh dear, oh dear! You're going through a rough time--I'm having sympathy pains for you! I'm sorry to tell you that it will happen more than once. Learn to expect it, and work to develop coping strategies. We all go through periods where performing isn't fun--that's all part of the experience. Most of us aren't born with the ability to stay positive and strong in the face of adversity--that's a skill we learn by going through the experience and coming out the other side. You're doing a good thing by "venting", and reaching out for advice!
I suggest that you wait to make any drastic decisions until you have had some time away from it all. Over the holiday break, forget about this for awhile, don't dwell, and do things that you enjoy. Go to movies or rent videos, read books, shop, pray, hang out with family and friends, exercise. "Fill the well," to borrow a phrase from a wonderful book that I highly recommend to you, "The Artist's Way" (by Julia Cameron). This semester's experiences have taken a lot out of you, and you have to do something that restores you to a state of physical, mental, and emotional well-being--whether or not you ultimately decide to continue in music.
I completely sympathize with you about the frustrations of rejection in opera casting. There's a lot that goes on "behind-the-scenes," and admittedly, casting can be very political. There's a certain insanity to it--you must learn to expect that. The most important thing is for you to give the best audition possible, every time. That is the most valuable skill you can learn, and the results of the audition be hanged! The world is filled with working singers who never got the big parts in their college opera productions.
If you decide to continue in music, you must learn is how to keep going in the face of adversity. It's completely traumatizing to face repeated rejections, I know. I moped around graduate school for 1 1/2 years, bemoaning the fact that all the operas had literally the same cast, time after time. I was just waiting for some of these sopranos to graduate! After taking a couple semesters off to work on my voice and give a recital, I came back for one more audition. I'd already decided that I wouldn't get a part, but I was feeling good about my voice at the time, and I figured, what the heck. After the audition, all the director could talk about was how much I had changed and how much my voice had grown! From my perspective, I hadn't changed that much. But he obviously perceived a huge difference. After that, I went on to sing leads in four operas for this director, thereby becoming one of those singers that the other students wished would graduate! At any rate, I was grateful for the performing experience. It was absolutely what I needed at the time, and I was really glad that I gutted it out! From this experience, I learned that true self-confidence makes a huge impact, and may be the best tool you can take with you to an audition.
I also wonder if you can become extremely adept at creating performing opportunities for yourself. Our esteemed Vocalist colleague, Dr. Yvonne DeChance, is absolutely my role model in this regard. Her eye is always on the next challenge, creating incredibly imaginative recital programs and finding places to do them--and they're wonderful! Try performing a recital at your church, for example. Find places and opportunities to utilize your many abilities. I think straight acting is a tremendous idea for you right now. One of my former high school students is now at a large, prestigious college that I won't name. She's an undergrad music major in a school that favors graduate students in casting--this has been extremely discouraging to her. The thing that keeps her going is that she can also dance and act--these abilities makes her very attractive to the theater and film departments at her school.
Finally, about the situation with your lessons: I don't like to comment on schools or other teachers when I don't know the full story, but I can tell you what the procedure is Supposed to be in academe: the student pays $XX.00 in tuition (and sometimes an additional lesson fee or surcharge). For this fee, the student is then supposed to receive a prescribed number of lessons. If this is not the case, you need to let someone in administration know about your situation immediately--this situation needs to be addressed and rectified. As a student and teacher, I've found that parents can be very helpful in talking to administrators. Don't approach it belligerently, but factually. A list documenting your previous semester's lesson schedule would be extremely helpful.
Good luck to you--hang in there!
Jana -- Jana Holzmeier Dept. of Music Nebraska Wesleyan University 5000 Saint Paul Ave. Lincoln, NE 68504 jjh-at-nebrwesleyan.edu 402-465-2284
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